Depressed.
That is a word that is heard often and describes somebodies emotion, feeling or mood. Well this is how i've been feeling for a few days. This time it is because of the opposite sex and problems with being wanted by two girls - and wanting them too.

The Situation:
I went out with one of these girls over a year ago. When we broke up she was emotionally destroyed. She went out with another boy called Sam. I found another girlfriend but things didnt go very well as she wasnt really looking for a relationship - oh yeh and i cheated on her with my emotionally destroyed ex. Quite a considerable time later, when she had finished with Sam and i was single and looking, i went to a gig on my 16th birthday. Whilst there i met a certain someone who immediately struck me to be very loving, constantly happy and willing to have a joyful relationship. Progression happened and within a couple of weeks we were going out. The first problem was that she lives 16 miles away and it's difficult to see her regularly .. this factor made the relationship weak and volatile. Unfortunately i gave in to temptation and kissed my ex. I told my girlfriend what i'd done and she said she had guessed it. It was at that point that we realised things werent going well. After a time i decided to temporarily end the relationship in the interest of making it stronger in the long run. Things went from bad to worse. I got jelous of the things my girlfriend was doing, and yet i was doing them myself. Recently, we agreed on keeping the relationship ceased. Maybe this was a good thing, maybe it was a bad thing.. But my emotionally destroyed ex and I got very close and started to have feelings for each other as strong as they were when we first went out. Stupidly, i asked her out before a sensible time (complicated issue) and now i feel as if it will all go wrong again. In fact, weve only been re-going out for one day and weve already argued and fought.
And now i have strong feelings for my ex (the one i met on my 16th) because i can't have her .. you always want what u cant have. I saw her today, 3 hours ago, we hugged, we hugged a bit more. I didnt want to look at her because i knew something bad would happen, i just wanted to hold her forever and not let her go. Ten minutes to see her with months of separation between each meeting. Finally i looked at her beautiful face and she leaned in and blessed me with a kiss. A split second of magic, and a cover story for the girlfriend.

I wonder sometimes .. can i go on living like this? Can i go on living at all?! Some times it feels as if the whole world is against me, and others it feels as if i'm in control. Killing yourself is an easy task if you plan it and carry out the action properly, but the fear of giving up is emense - just in case one day you could've made it to the top.
You only live once, and life goes on. One chance to do what you want .. but do i even want to have this one chance? I can't seem to do anything right so maybe i should treat life like a game and quit.